Ok, so that’s not quite how it works, huh? At least it wasn’t for us! We were instantly attracted to each other and spent several months dating, laughing, getting to know one another on that soul level. Three years later an official wedding band was on my finger and I was called wife! Awwww, married at last! –Insert here that annoying noise a scratched record makes–. You know, when it all of a sudden screws up and the music stops?! LOL!
What now? I had absolutely no friggin clue how to be a wife (here’s my love story)! Maybe you had premarital counseling and if so, kudos to you! I’m super jealous! But there are so many women out there who are trying to figure out how to play this role. This post is for them. 🙂 I’ve been married for 16 years now. If I had to write a job description for the character of a wife, this would be it:
Respect – Needing a Respectful Woman
So how do you show your lawfully wedded husband respect? Respect is to admire (someone or something) deeply, as a result of their abilities, qualities, or achievements. Remember when you were dating and he could do no wrong? He hung the moon? For quite a while I tried to verbalize respect for my husband by answering with “sir”. The thing is, he did NOT receive that as respect. For him, that added word did not add any respect to our relationship. Respect is an emotion that has more to do with action.
A woman who genuinely respects her mister will let him lead her. Does that mean you’ll agree with every decision he makes? Hardly! I almost never agree with the decision my man makes because it’s not the exact carbon copy way that I would make that decision, but you know what? It almost always works out so incredibly well! It still blows my mind sometimes to watch this remarkable result stem from a decision my mister made that I didn’t wholeheartedly agree with, but let him lead me in. When will I learn hahahaha?!
Another great idea? ASK your hubs what makes him feel respected! Here I was thinking I was being such a respectful wife. When we actually studied love & respect and had the conversation I found out my mister feels respected most when he can tell something that is important to him is also important to me and when I respect our calendar and don’t fill it with too many events.
Honor – Honor a Must
Honor – high esteem, recognition, merit. This is important. People used to kill for honor, literally. Let’s be wives that build our husbands UP with our words rather than tearing him down. When is the last time you used an adjective or noun to talk about your husband? Go ahead. Take a break and think long and hard about it. Recall the word(s)? Are you honoring him with those words? Call your husband only good names, wink, wink.
This is really hard for women to do, especially when they’re in the company of other women!!!! Oh yeah, I went there. Don’t hate me! But think about it – what do we do when we get together with another wife? We talk about life, right? Our husbands are one of the biggest parts of our lives. If we’re not careful, we end up griping about our men – their bad habits, or a recent fight, or even a major issue that we aren’t even addressing with our husband. This can be relayed as basically dishonoring the character and heart of the man. Your man. You wouldn’t let another woman gripe about him like that, would you?
When visiting with a girlfriend, simply talk about acts/situations/circumstances. See if you can go a whole day without saying anything negative about the character of your mister – to his face, to a girlfriend, or in a public group. When you do, pat yourself on the back girl! It’s hard but you just lived a whole day honoring your husband with your words!!
Trust – in the head and in the bed
The dictionary defines intimacy as “closeness of observation or knowledge of a subject.” Your husband is closer to you than any other person in the world. He observes and knows your body, your heart, and your mind more than anyone on the planet. You are completely exposed to him both physically and emotionally. He’s exposed in the same way to you. I don’t know if it’s society’s influence on our perspective of sex or what but why on God’s green Earth do we freeze up, stiffen up, and close up when it comes to trusting our man in the bed. Physical intimacy should be a time of trust and complete exposure for a couple. You may have to practice this by mentally focusing on relaxing and responding to the physical feels.
Proverbs 31:11-12 says
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
Yowza! Sex is a beautiful gift from God orchestrated, like everything else, for His glory. In my opinion, our culture has completely distorted it making it hard for the wife to completely accept it as a good thing. I think another major obstacle for a woman is to know her own body and her preferences in bed. Wives always worry about what their man wants but don’t take the time to figure out what feels good for them. This takes learning. It takes education to learn. What does that require? Communication between partners. Give affirmative comments when you like something. Ask questions to figure out his preferences. And remember, sex is a team sport! 😉
Cleanliness – Ability to Make a Home
That’s a major jump from sex, huh?! LOL! So building his home as a happy place is actually a pretty easy concept. Take care of your man, girl! No, you’re not his mama. Yes, he’s an adult and he can cook, clean, do laundry (I’m so blessed my man actually enjoys doing these things) but we want our men to cherish us, right? Let us not nag. Let’s make an effort in providing him with a well kept sanctuary for him to retreat to at the end of a long, hard day. Set a timer for 5 minutes and do as much cleaning in one room as you can. Search Pinterest for a cleaning schedule (this one is my fav). Know and fix his favorite meals. …Side rant – you have this man for the rest of his life. Invest in his health when cooking!… Make an effort in cleaning, cooking, and general homemaking. Does he even like that pink & yellow floral bathroom? He does shower and shave in there too, right? LOL! Some men could care less but the point is to know your man and what he wants in a home.
Some of these characteristics were painful lessons for me to learn. None of them were effortless. Joining together with another human being to do life is NO EASY task! But making these part of who I am as a wife has definitely made my marriage easier and happier. Have you learned any different “job requirements” as a wife LOL?! How do you define your role as spouse? I’d love to know!!!! Comment below!
Grace & Happiness Friend!