Practical Ways to Truly Speak His Love Language
After searching online for what felt like hours Elyssa selected the best wallet for Ben. Best reviews, quality, value. She was so excited to present him with the Amazon box! Ben opened it, smiled, hugged Elyssa and said thank you but three days later it was still in the box and he was still caring his old, worn out wallet. Where had she gone wrong?! Did he not like it? Did he just not care?! Here she was trying to show him how much she loved him and it didn’t even seem to matter!
Here’s the problem – she was speaking love in a different language.
Dr. Gary Chapman says a person speaks and hears love in one or two (usually one primary with a second complimenting it) of five different love languages; physical touch, words of affirmation, gift giving, acts of service, and quality time. Visit Gary’s site to find out what yours is. And then make your husband take the quiz LOL! It’s easy for us to speak love to our spouse in our language but try speaking Swahili when you’re born and raised in Texas. Uh huh. That’s what it’s like when I tried speaking gift giving when my primary love language is physical touch. When I try to give him words of affirmation and he’d understand love better through acts of service, it’s like trying to discuss something important while he’s showering and you’re blowdrying your hair. It doesn’t work well! So, over the years I’ve gathered ideas for each of our love languages and I’d like to share. Maybe some of the things I’ve found that work will help you out. 🙂 Read on and have fun seeing his mood lift as you work towards speaking his language loudly!
1. Physical Touch
This is my primary language. First things first, it’s not sexual!! There is a major difference between the love language of physical touch and sexual intimacy. This, to me, seems simple but you’d be surprised how many men get confused! It’s like a standing joke in our friend circle but I digress. Anyway, if this turns out to be your man’s language here are some practical ways to “speak” physical touch.
Things like playing with his hair, lightly caressing his forearm with the soft pads of your fingertips. While I absolutely love this, my man can’t stand it! It’s so relaxing for me but it gives sends chills up his spine LOL! Thus, the importance of truly speaking HIS love language! Foot, back, shoulder, or scalp massages are good. Know if he prefers them with or without lotion. Handholding. Being arm candy in public can be walking hand in hand or with each other’s arms wrapped around the waists. Let him show you off! 😉 Even something as simple as holding his feet with yours in bed or on the couch can truly speak his love language if it’s physical touch.
2. Words of Affirmation
Everyone likes a compliment, right? As wives, society has coined us as nags that belittle and tear down our husbands. Why don’t we change that by daily affirming our man, assuring him that he’s our Prince Charming?! This doesn’t mean we don’t keep him accountable or that he’s perfect. But if this is your man’s love language, watch his eyes light up and his mood lift when you use words to build him up.
Hide notes where are you know he’ll find them. Get creative with Morse code, hilariously cheesy rhymes, or a crossword puzzle of words that describe him. Let him know what he’s doing right, what you respect about him, physical features that turn you on. Send him little texts during his work day that compliment his work ethic and thank him for providing for your family. I once filled post-it notes with various things about my Mr. that I love and am grateful for and stuck them to the bathroom mirror in the shape of a heart.
3. Gift Giving
This is my Mr.’s primary by 99%!! He speaks it well. I, on the other hand, don’t so much. But I’ve had quite a few years to learn how to truly speak his love language, so here are some ideas that’ve worked for me in case your man happens to speak love this way as well.
Keep a note on your phone and when he drops any kind of hint about liking or wanting something jot it down. Then on a random day for no particular reason, purchase and surprise him with a gift from the list. Just make sure to mark it off your list if he ends up purchasing it himself so it doesn’t backfire from “Look babe! I got you a gift!” to “Sorry, I don’t pay enough attention to know you already bought that.” Been there, done that! Other ideas include replacing something he loves that is worn out (his fav book, phone case, wallet, T-shirt). Fill a new wallet with gift cards to his favorite spots & pictures of you. Have an Amazon list for everybody and occasionally purchase one. Surprise him with new panties…on you. Any collectibles he enjoys, his fav snack, some extra cash you made for him to spoil himself.
4. Acts of Service
This is all about doing for him! What’s important to him? Doing those things make your man feel important. My hubs feels respected when I express that something that’s important to him is also important to me. Think about the things that he does because they’re essential, not because they’re enjoyed. Take those off his plate and it will truly speak his love language.
Super clean house for him, do all the laundry (my man really appreciates this! 6 people in the house = lots of dirty clothes), cook his favorite meal & have it on the table when he walks through the door, put the game on & have snacks out by his chair. If he mentions plans to mow the lawn later and you know he’s not crazy about doing it – girl, hop out there, soak up some sun, and get that sucker done! One of my favorites is cleaning out his truck for him – clearing out the trash & shining the interior with Armor All.
5. Quality Time
Quality time is about focused attention. Allow me to put it this way. You have plenty of quantity time together. You live together for Pete’s sake! But then think about all the things on your TDL, the cleaning that needs to get done, the meals to cook, the text messages that are BLOWING UP YOUR PHONE (sorry, that may or may not drive me freaking insane! 😉 ) and it becomes clear just how much of that time is spent face to face without distractions. We have kids, tv, phones, chores, and jobs all vying for our time and attention. This is why it doesn’t surprise me that the average couple spends just 4 minutes a day alone together!! So to combat this and truly speak his love language in quality time, try some of these.
Take him out for a beer & sit & laugh, sit up on opposite ends of the bed and ask him about work (even if you’re a designer trying to understand his medical jargon LOL!). Just listen without interrupting. Ask questions about what he’s saying to keep the conversation going, take a drive somewhere and turn the music down. Take a walk. What’s his fav topic of conversation? Think about what he can easily talk about and gets a different tone in his voice when he visits about it. Become knowledgeable about it (I know quite a bit now about different bone breaks ??). They say not to multitask during quality time but cooking together is one of our favorite ways to get in quality time. A glass of wine, some Sinatra on low volume, good smells and good conversation!
Truly Speaking His Love Language
Of course, we love our men! Sometimes the ways we express it just don’t seem to get interpreted like we expect them to. First, figure out what love languages you and your hubs speak. Then use this list of ideas to truly speak his love language and finally get heard the way you want to! Enjoy!!