A Secret to Successful Marriage

We meet this guy. So much fun is had together. We share dreams, adventures, the L word and start thinking about sharing our futures. The anticipation of a possible proposal makes you smile all over! Then you’re thrilled with all the planning, all the friends and family around. The party, the honeymoon, the sex!, the making of a new home, the forming of a whole, new, successful adult life, the possibility of children. Who doesn’t hope to one day find and end up with someone who makes their life complete?!

Then we get into everyday life. Keeping the home clean. Going to the same job everyday. Managing daily meals and laundry and errands and all. the. mundane. Maybe we start fighting about little things or maybe we start stressing each other out. Maybe things just get boring. We find ourselves wondering if this is what our life is really supposed to look like and what more there is.

Do you want to know my secret to a successful marriage?

YOU. DON’T. QUIT.

That’s right. When you feel you can’t stand the sight of him. When you’re convinced his money habits are going to ruin you or find yourself loathing the extra 50 lbs he’s put on or you’re certain he’ll NEVER get a better job? YOU. DON’T. QUIT.

Reject the Lie

Of course this is easier said than done. There are times when you will want to quit. The enemy will sneak in and whisper lies that life would be better with that coworker or that you deserve better or that he needs to change. Listen, the enemy WANTS to break up your marriage. Wants it like …. Don’t give in to those lies! Reject them by knowing what God says about marriage. Remind yourself what God does. Do you believe that God parted the waters of the Red Sea for Moses and the Israelites? Don’t let the enemy make you doubt the Almighty like Eve did. Don’t quit!

Stay Bonded

I almost ruined our marriage by bonding emotionally to a coworker of the opposite sex and convincing myself that I deserved a better future than my current present. That doesn’t even make sense! Yet so many young women do this!! We bond with someone else emotionally because we aren’t getting the emotional love we want at home. Don’t quit. Do hard things. Have that hard conversation…before the resentment builds up. Don’t sweep things under the rug. Don’t nag. Have a calm (watch your tone & keep some rules), honest, logical conversation with your man. It might take more than one conversation. It might be a month long of conversations. Don’t quit. Do you believe He healed the blind and cleansed lepers? Then believe, accept as fact, that God can save your marriage.

Keep Learning

When you’re ready to quit and you can’t even think about trying to make it work, when the want isn’t even there, be courageous and reach out for help. There are professionals who understand how different habits affect your marriage. They are educated in how the different genders’ brains work and respond to things. Question for you – who taught you how to read? Who taught you how to cook? It was a process, correct? Why do we think that we can take the leap and get married and then not have to learn how to be/stay married?!

Even in a thriving marriage, one would do well to never stop learning. This seems perfectly logical to me (and probably to you too since you’re reading about marriage 😉 ) but you’d be surprised how many people think that their marriage is broken beyond repair and don’t ever even try counseling. Don’t quit! Seek some counsel and never stop learning how to be married. Check out some of these good resources.

Be Truly Devoted

Devoted means dedicated, devout, loyal, fiercely attached. It doesn’t mean happy, prosperous, comfortable. Marriage is frickin’ hard y’all! Even at its best, there are still hard moments. Life will have its trials. Put two imperfect people together to live life in the same house for the rest of their lives and see how long it stays “perfect”…NOT long!!

“Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last; but feelings come and go… But, of course, ceasing to be “in love” need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense — love as distinct from “being in love” — is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriage) the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God… “Being in love” first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.”

C.S. Lewis

So just know that it’s ok to be in the middle of a struggle. You are not alone. Those people in your family or at church that seem to have it all down? They don’t. Their secret to a successful marriage? They don’t quit. Mentally replace that sense of defeat with hope. Don’t quit.

Strength & love friend!