He’s Not Important?
This week after church and errands, the kids got to spend some time in the yard on what was a beautiful, sunny afternoon. My husband decided to play some video games in the front living room so I wandered onto the porch swing to watch the kids and bask in the sun…ok, more like doze in and out in the warm cushions.
But the kids wanted a game of knock out so they ran back in to grab another ball. The sun was bright so back in for sunglasses. Little one was in church shoes so back in to change shoes. And on and on it goes, in, out, in, out, forgetting and remembering something else needed to enjoy the outside. Problem is, the front door is right next to the TV. So every time we opened the door, a bright glare ran across the TV screen. Result – one frustrated daddy.
The Issue Isn’t the Issue
My first reaction in all honesty is anger. That motherly instinct that wants to yell at the man to get off the TV and come enjoy his babies outside. Y’ALL! This man got his family up (he could’ve slept in), took care of TWENTY-THREE kids at church (soak that in for a second), took us to lunch, and drove around town running errands (he really doesn’t like to drive either – which is because he works hard at it and puts a lot of effort into being a good driver). And yet, here I am, mad at him and the video game. Then it hits me. He feels ignored. He feels less important. We’re all doing something fun that we enjoy since we finally got home, but yet we’re constantly interrupting his fun. The issue wasn’t really the issue. Ever have that happen?
Opening the door over and over (and over and over) again (the “issue”) was showing the head of our household that he was not as important as what we wanted (the real issue). It was disrespectful. It was saying his fun hobby was not as important as our fun and we didn’t care about interrupting his activity.
In a popular marriage study Love & Respect, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs breaks down respect for the husband using the acronym CHAIRS.
C – conquest. He needs to be respected as the conqueror that he is.
H – hierarchy. He needs to be respected in the hierarchy order.
A – authority. He needs to be respected as the authority of the household.
I – insight. He needs his intelligence and insight respected.
R – relationship. Shoulder-to-shoulder friendship shows respect.
S – sexuality. He needs to be respected & fulfilled in the bedroom.
Right now, we are focusing on the “A”. Respecting your husband as an authority figure is important to any marriage. Think about it, he’s probably got someone under him at work, right? They respect him. Shouldn’t he feel that respect at home from the woman who admired him and doted over him in the dating process?
A practical way to do that is make him feel like things that are important to him are important to you through your actions. So I stood there, at the front door, until there was a good point in his game where I could slip out without him dying, or losing, or whatever it was he was trying not to do LOL. When we needed something else, we went through it mentally to see what ALL we needed to get so it could be one person getting everything – hence one trip. When I had to go air up one of the kids’ bike tires, I also put gas in his truck for the week. Just a small, quick gesture to say “Hey, you’re important to me and I respect your hard work and think you deserve some fun time.”
So how do you show your husband that something is important to him, even when its not necessarily that important to you? Note: I’m known as the TV nazi at my house.
Thanks for reading!
PS – In Love & Respect, Dr. Eggerichs makes a point. Walk into the store and go to the greeting cards. TONS of “I love you” cards, but try to find an “I respect you” card. Yeah, that’s what I thought. So enjoy a free printable respect card to tell your man you respect him. Print it out, tape it to his favorite sweet or salty snack, drink, or a little something he’s been wanting for a while. Let your man know you respect him and think he’s important!!
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