A few months ago I asked my Mr. if he would be willing to answer a few questions for me. This way women could get a sense of what goes on in a husband’s head when it comes to marriage. Lucky for me (and you!) he was willing to carve some time out of his schedule to sit and offer some insight.
And whatta ya know?! I was even honestly surprised by some of his answers. My hope is that they enlighten you as well to some of the things a man is thinking about marriage but maybe not voicing out loud.
Q: What would you say have been the biggest lessons we’ve learned?
A: Let the little things go. I know we could have avoided (and still avoid) so many little petty fights. One of us (usually me) should have just taken a deep breath and let it go.
Q: What would 34 year old married Elwin say to 18 year old newly wedded Lauren?
A: Marriage is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It is not 50/50; it is 150/150. It will make you cry. It will break your heart. It will make you the maddest you’ve ever been. It will make you feel like the only person in the world, the happiest person you’ve ever seen. Through it all you will become a stronger, better person because of it. Furthermore, you will learn how to care for a family. How to live life like every day is the last and what it means to truly consider your spouse your partner. Marriage will be the greatest thing your husband has ever done. It’s the one thing above all that he would fight till the end for. Lastly, it will make you appreciate all the hard work and effort of keeping your marriage going year after year. Especially when marriage after marriage around you collapses.
Q: What do husbands want their young wives to know?
A: Young husbands are scared and clueless. We have been cared for by a woman all of our lives and are now responsible to care for a woman (and in our own personal case, a daughter). We have no idea where to start. We don’t have all the right answers. We have fears. Men worry about bills, the future, and your happiness. But we keep it inside because “that’s what husbands do.” We want you to believe in us. Reassure us that you are in it for the long haul even on our darkest days (that first hard, hard year of marriage).
Q: What does marriage mean for a man?
A: It’s committing yourself to one person for the rest of your lives. In this day and age where divorce and infidelity are rampant, that’s a difficult task but one that is so fully rewarding. You realize your spouse is doing the same. Also marriage means you’ll have someone who sees you in the same light at your highest peak and in your darkest hour.
Q: In your opinion, what are a man’s responsibilities in marriage?
A: For me, a man’s responsibilities are being a constant listener, a steady provider, a source of encouragement, an endless supply of compliments, a devoted father, a frequent kisser, and an excellent chef (this one’s optional, but it impresses just about everybody and scores mountains of brownie points with the wife).
Well wow! I’m very grateful that he was so transparent. Very helpful! His answers are chocked full of truths and wisdom. Our men need to be supported, respected, believed in. Husbands want to take care of us but at the same time struggle with fears and worries and insecurities. Just like we as wives do!!
I hope his interview helps you understand a man’s perspective on marriage a little better. Maybe sometime you can get your Mr. to answer these questions as well. Just tell him it’s for a friend’s blog research. 😉
Until next time!