You know someone that’s divorced. There’s a 50/50 chance that your parents are divorced. My parents, both sets of grandparents, and 5 out of 6 aunts and uncles in my family have experienced divorce. My husband’s family is larger but still has a divorce rate much like the rest of America. Sometimes it seems like divorce is more common than staying married for life.
And you never really think about all the divorces around you when you’re getting ready to get married. But yet, after you’ve been married for a while divorce seems to loom in the dark corners all around us. Its almost as if the odds are always against us and there are no great, lasting marriages anymore.
This is why we cling close to my Mr.’s grandparents. They have been married to each other (and only each other) for over 50 years. Needless to say we’ve learned a lot from them during our years together. I’d encourage you to do the same.
Bond with a couple in your life that has lived in their first marriage for over a decade and learn from them. They have a unique perspective to offer! Soak up their wisdom! Learn from their lessons rather than going through the painful processes on your own. 😉 Looking at our grandparents’ successful marriage brings us hope, slaps us with reality, and teaches us so, soooo much. And in case you don’t have an obvious couple to learn from just yet, here are some lessons from Mr. and Mrs. Alamanza.
It is possible. This is an important thing to know in your heart of hearts. Tell yourself that right now, out loud. Marriage for life IS possible. You can do it. Don’t let the divorces all around you convince you that divorce is going to happen. That’s simply not truth. I’ve really struggled with this before. There have been seasons in my marriage, even good ones, when I have an anxiety creep into my heart about my husband leaving me. After all, stats are stats, right? No. Just plain no.
Look around and pinpoint the successful marriages that you know of. If you absolutely don’t have any in your family, take a minute and google famous successful marriages. There are actually celebrities that have made it in marriage! There is hope. I can look at my Mr.’s grandparents and it gives me great hope that I will be married to my man for the rest of my life.
You’d think they’re this sweet old couple who has it all figured out by now. One thing they have figured out for sure is this. It’s never going to be perfect. Once, they went two full weeks without talking. Healthy? No. The end? No! No marriage is perfect and all marriages are hard. We’re talking about two different, imperfect people living life together forever. It’s not Disney.
Seeing their successful, yet imperfect marriage really teaches us to wake up to reality. Many young women in our generation expect it to be all roses and smiles. Then when marriage gets hard (and we’re talking really hard) they call it quits. “It just didn’t work out.” No! A successful marriage absolutely does not mean a perfect marriage. I am so thankful for this lesson that they’ve taught us. The pressure to have a perfect marriage has been rightfully thrown out the window!
I’ve learned so much about marriage from both of these wonderful people. I’ve written on some of them before. Of course I talk to Grandma more about relationships since we’re both in the wife role. However I’ll never forget this lesson that Grandpa taught me one time. Marriage is not 90%/10%. Marriage is 100%/100%. Here’s what he meant.
Lauren, you’re going to give 100% of everything you are into your marriage. You are no longer you. Each of you will completely give yourself up to the marriage. And in that, you will find a completely new you. A unit “you” so to speak. You cannot hang on to 90% of who you are and only give 10%. You cannot expect your spouse to give 90% percent while you only give 10.
While each spouse should be giving 100% into the marriage, who do you control? The only person you control is you. Therefore take heart. Your effort will not go unnoticed. God will sustain you when you feel you’re giving 100% but your spouse is not.
Finding a successful marriage does not mean finding a perfect marriage. But it does mean having a mentorship from two people who refuse to quit and work through whatever comes their way. Knowing a marriage like that will give you hope in the hard times and against the odds. You’ll be able to soak up wisdom from their marriage. And when you do, be sure and let me know what lessons you learn! 😉
Love & Hope Friends,
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