Let’s be honest, there are times when we could all be communicating better with our spouse. Sometimes it’s just too hard to find the words – at least PG rated ones. 😉 Sometimes the words coming out of his mouth irritate you so much you wish you had the ability to shoot red lasers out of your eyes. Ohhh, if looks could kill!
The Importance of Communication in Relationships
Trust me, I get it. We were absolutely clueless when we started our lives together at just 15 years old. And my parents were in the middle of a divorce then, so I didn’t exactly have a working example coming into this new relationship. I remember many instances of my new husband and I yelling at each other over various things, both big and small. This was the foundation of a marriage that was in divorce court two years later.
Communicating is hard! Two different brains and mouths trying to get a point across, trying to voice their opinion, and trying to come to a decision together when there are two totally different sets of feelings involved! It would probably be easier to just not address the hard things – at least in the short term. But that can also lead a marriage down a dangerous path to a dismal end.
That’s how important communication is in relationships. Bad communication and lack of communication can both be detrimental to the relationship, causing its end.
I’m so grateful that we did not go through with our divorce. And that, with counseling, resources, and hard work, we were able to steadily improve our communication skills. Here are reasons that communication in relationships is so important, why we as wives must continue to try communicating better with our husbands, and the goals for better communication in marriage.
Communication GOAL #1: to be understood
The basic definition of communication is the successful conveying of emotions or ideas. Hence the basic goal. Everybody just wants to be understood, am I right?! If someone is passionate about something, angry with someone, excited about something, or against something that they feel is wrong they want to share those feelings with their loved one. If it’s something that isn’t of great importance or that they both feel the same way about then it’s really easy to communicate!
But what about when we’re not exactly on the same page? The importance of communication in relationships really becomes key when it’s one of those more difficult situations or you just aren’t aligned in the way you each see something. One goal of communicating better with our spouse is to express our opinions and feelings in a way that he can understand. Remember, men and women are different! Check out the difference between rapport talk and report talk in Deborah Tannen’s book You Just Don’t Understand.
It’s important to answer his questions clearly and concisely. Women can tend to over explain to our men LOL. He may not need as many words as you think. 😉
COMMUNICATION GOAL #2: to understand him & avoid misunderstandings
This second communication goal is the first turned the other way around. If one goal of communicating better is successfully expressing ourselves in a way he can understand, we should also try to understand his expression.
Imagine you have a point to make but your husband completely misunderstands what you say and takes offense to it. Now he is in defense mode and you’re frustrated that he misunderstood you! This is a common issue between couples and goes both ways.
One of our goals in communicating better should be to understand him. Next time you and your husband are on opposite pages, try active listening. Don’t interrupt, make eye contact when he’s talking, make sure you understand what he is communicating. When he holds a certain feeling or opinion, try to wrap your head around that idea and see if you can understand where it’s coming from.
COMMUNICATION GOAL #3: to stay calm
Through the whole conversation girl, even in disagreements. Staying calm and controlling tone and volume is of upmost importance of communication in relationships. Communicating better has a whole lot to do with self control. We as wives have got to learn how to listen better and communicate peacefully in order to show respect to our husbands. Sometimes I have to picture one of my kids throwing a tantrum or one of my teens having that crap attitude to keep my own tone in check. I always have to go into what I know will be a hard conversation with the goal of staying calm through the whole thing.
COMMUNICATION GOAL #4: to end up on the same page
The goal of communicating shouldn’t be to get my husband on my page. Early on in our marriage, I held on to my opinions fiercely just because I didn’t want to be wrong. I thought if I wasn’t right then I was wrong and felt stupid or less than my husband. What a lie!! Those feelings were simply tied to my own insecurities and I have since learned another importance of communication in relationships. You don’t communicate to move him to your page. You communicate to end up on the same page.
Effectively communicating doesn’t mean one person admits defeat and let’s the other have their way. The importance of communication in relationships means we must have the goal of working through a situation verbally and ending up on the same page when all is said and done.
COMMUNICATION GOAL #5: to be a united force
We’ve established how important communicating is in a relationship and several end goals of better communication. This is probably the main goal of communicating with your husband and the ideal result! Unfortunately, it’s also the hardest goal to achieve and won’t always be reached, even when you’re communicating better with your husband.
What does it look like when you achieve this goal? You both understand each other’s feelings to a point to where you agree with those feelings and have come to a same page decision that you both fully support. You have come to a conclusion as one united force.
What does it look like when you can’t reach this ideal unity? You’ve stayed calm, actively listened to your husband and seeked to understand his perspective first then explained yourself clearly. You’ve made the decision to follow him or he’s made the decision to let it go your way
This is a goal that you will try to reach after communicating with your love especially when it comes to discussing sensitive yet important issues like money, parenting, intimacy, and in-laws. 😉
Great Goals for Communicating Better
Next time there are emotions and ideas that need to be talked through, remember these communication goals to strive towards. Try to end the conversation being understood, correctly understanding him, and staying calm and collected the entire time. Try to end on the same page and be a united front when a decision needs to be made as a couple.
The importance of communication in relationships reaches even beyond marriage. Some of these communication goals should be the end goal within team environments, friendships, and other relationships as well. Some of these goals should even apply to when we’re communicating with everyone around us.
Good luck communicating! 😉
- Alarmed at How Hard it is to Communicate with Your Spouse? How to Improve Communication in Marriage
- 13 Effective Communication Strategies – Ways to Better Communicate with Your Husband
- A – Z Goals For Being an Awesome Wife
- Resentment in Marriage – How To Handle It
- Communication in Marriage; Being Sensitive to Bad Timing