I wanted to strangle my husband rather than revel in the miracle of God in the flesh. I was a prime example of a godly wife celebrating Christmas morning. Oh wait, never mind.
With four children spread out over a decade apart it can be hard to find gifts and activities that appeal to everyone. This year I found a really good deal on a really cool gift that everyone can enjoy.
So I ordered a new trampoline. One with the enclosure net of course (although you & I turned out ok without one right?) but also a volleyball net coming off the side, a basketball goal inside and a ball bounce back net game thingy. It’s got ALL the bells and whistles!
Now, unfortunately these things don’t come pre-built. And with it being a Christmas morning surprise – yep, you know it! We were up sups early, in the dark, trying to put together fifteen bajillion pieces to make our four spoiled kids happy 😉
Who’s Got This?
This is where it got interesting. We had different ideas of how to do things. Imagine that! Ever been there? We used the instructions of course but it was early, dark, before the coffee kicked in, and our brains were just working two different ways I guess.
I kept asking questions.
“Do you want me to do this?”
“No I got it.”
“Would it be easier if we did it this way?”
Eventually I got snarky. Like all other under-caffeinated, non-morning people do at six-thirty in the morning. I was getting frustrated. I didn’t want to be told no over and over again. I didn’t want to be told to bring this piece or hold this piece. I’m capable! I’m intelligent! I knew what was going on. Then it happened.
I asked the absolute dumbest question I could’ve possibly asked. It slipped out before I could stop it!! It was one of those “does it work like this” questions that took all of half a second for me to answer myself. My husband couldn’t even answer. If it worked like I thought it did, that pole would be completely unnecessary in the spot it was welded in. He simply responded with a “Huh”?! I translated his “huh” into “Did you seriously think…and ask…that?!” Durp! It put my pre-coffee butt in its place, that’s for sure.
It also shut me up. So instead of spitting out info that I was so sure was intelligent and correct I had time to process some information. I couldn’t believe I’d thought it worked like that! I really couldn’t believe the thought lasted long enough for me to vocalize it. Apparently it did. It equally meant that I obviously did not have it all figured out. I didn’t know it all.
Let God Put the Trampoline Together
Then it hit me that sometimes that’s how our relationship with God is. We think we know exactly what is going on, how to put our lives together, how our days should work. “I’m capable! I’m intelligent!”
All the while, God is standing there working hard for me, much like my husband was that early Christmas morning. He’s orchestrating the events around me to show me Himself. Trying to bless me with certain people, situations, things. Telling me no when it’s honestly the best answer. When He’s got something else in store for me.
Unfortunately, in my stubbornness I’m fighting it. Even in spite of the fact that I logically know all of this! I know my husband is perfectly capable of building a trampoline. I know his high level of intelligence. I know he’s not doing this for grins and giggles. He’s doing it out of love for me and his children.
In the same way, I know God is the most qualified to lead me in life. I know He loves me and has my best interests at heart. Even so, I want to prove myself able to handle it all. I struggle for that control.
My insecurities flare. I don’t want to feel stupid or be the “measly” little helper that everybody really thinks is good for nothing. My husband didn’t think that at all and was grateful that I was there with him.
My merit doesn’t come from performance. An impressive accomplishment does not increase my worth. Why is this so hard for women to accept? God wants our presence and is always full of love and joy when His children long to and run to spend time with Him.
My pride turns all the way up. I want to be right. Just like I wanted to be right about that darn trampoline! I wanted to be in charge.
Isn’t it funny that we tend to want to be in command but yet a position of command in life tends to cause the most anxiety, stress, and exhaustion? Yet here I am sometimes, struggling to be in charge instead of surrenduring to the one that I know knows better.
Sometimes I want to know it all. Sometimes I actually convince myself I do – on whatever subject I happen to be focused on in that moment. I’m an intelligent human being. I graduated high school in three years, have a college degree, and manage to keep four small human beings alive and well. I deserve a promotion in life for that last one for sure! Well Lauren, that’s just not how this works.
A Lesson in Humility
But, alas, I do not know it all. And looking back on this past Christmas morning, I’m ok with that. In a word, hallelujah! Getting everything I deserve is an absurdly scary thought! Thank you God for grace and mercy! I do not need to know it all. Knowing everything? What an awful burden to be cursed with.
Humbling ourselves can be a hard pill to swallow. Once swallowed though, it can nourish our souls to be open to ideas other than our own, appreciate the intelligence level of someone else (shout out to my man!), and free us from the need to push ourselves to the top (stepping on others to get there).
Father God, help me to recognize when I’m trying to take control of things that I do not need to be in control of. Open my eyes to remember that I can trust You to be in charge. Like Psalm 18:30 says, your promises always prove true. Flood my heart and soul with humility and
the acceptance, no, the longing to be your servant. Thank you for the lessons in humility that you teach me, even the ones that come in the cold, dark, wee hours of the morning. Amen.
Your turn – have a lesson in humility that you ended up being super grateful for? Comment below…so I’m not the only one. 😉
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