Proverbs says it is better to live outside than to live with a nagging wife. But your house is a mess, your schedule is overloaded, and you’re exhausted and overworked. It’s hard to prioritize being loving and joyful. Little things start to wear on you…big time.
It is better to live in the corner of a housetop than in a house shared by a quarrelsome wife.Proverbs 21:9
But if the goal is to be a loving wife, how do we implement love day to day in the middle of the chaos and stress? What habits do you have that make you a loving woman? We know we value our relationships. What characteristics differentiate us from being a quarrelsome wife or a loving wife?
Look on the bright side.
Optimism is the character. Optimism is basically being hopeful and confident for a successful outcome on a situation.
Put a positive spin on things. It takes work to build this habit. Take mental note when your perspective has turned negative. Set reminders in your phone for throughout the day to do quick evaluations of what’s going on around you. Is your attitude toward those situations pessimistic or optimistic? If pessimistic, how could you follow up the negativity with a positive thought or statement to turn your perspective from being negative and quarrelsome to positive and loving.
Ask Questions to Understand.
Empathy is the character. Empathy is understanding another’s point of view, feelings, and putting yourself in their shoes.
The first step to empathy is actually understanding. Ask questions! Make sure you’re understanding the point your spouse is trying to make. Many times I think I know what my Mr. is thinking and I am just.flat.wrong! It takes talking through it and me regurgitating what I think he’s saying multiple times until he says, “Yes! That’s what I mean.”
Both quarreling and loving are actions that stem from emotions. It’s important to stay cool and collected when trying to understand and put yourself in the shoes of another. Ask yourself how you’d feel in their shoes.
Speak Love in their language.
Love in action. Love is a verb! You can say you love tacos and guac just like you can say you love your man. Love for someone comes out via action. How do you come across as a loving woman?
Author Gary Chapman explains speaking love in five different languages in his book The Five Love Languages. These include gift giving, words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, and quality time.
An easy way to figure out your spouse’s love language is to look at the five languages above and see which he speaks love to you in. My husband loves to surprise me with gifts. That’s his love language. This means that’s how he receives love from me as well as speaks it to me. So when I speak love by giving him gifts it speaks much louder than physical touch (my natural love language).
BUILD others UP.
To quarrel is to argue, disagree, be at odds. There is an easy antonym for quarrel. Encourage! Using your words to build up and encourage others is one of the most cherished characteristics of a loving woman.
Learn to pause before speaking by taking a deep breath or lightly biting the end of your tongue. Mentally scan what you’re fixing to say and rework any negative words into a more constructive, more positive statement with the same purpose.
To Love is To Serve.
Service is a loving habit. A loving woman is able to look beyond herself. It is absolutely amazing how serving other people benefits YOU! And you don’t have to spend your weekends in a soup kitchen!
Service doesn’t have to be a scary word. It is simply the act of being a loving woman by doing things for those around you in need. Have a friend struggling with depression? Take her to coffee and just listen. Hubs have an exhausting week at work? Cook his favorite dinner and clear the schedule. Pop his favorite movie in. Serve and love him by giving him the opportunity to rest. Find a need and fill it.
Hint: This is a quality of a loving woman overall but especially if your husband’s love language is acts of service. 😉
I’m in the middle of Henry Cloud & John Townsend’s book Boundaries, and ermawgarsh!!! Life changing I’m telling you! So I just had to include this. You can be a loving woman and try to love someone but if you are crossing boundaries it will not come across as love. This plays out practically by respecting others’ need for space. Know the boundary lines for when you’re serving and loving someone and at what point your actions cross their boundaries.
You cannot force love on someone. Know the boundaries and respect when someone says no.
Speaking of respect, a loving woman recognizes that she is only in control of her own emotions. She respects the emotions of others. This can be hard when you feel the other person is just being absurd. And let’s be honest, sometimes you feel that way. And sometimes they are. But you can’t change the way they feel. So recognize the fact that their emotions are theirs and valid. Set your own boundaries.
Respect can be shown as validation, adoration, trusting someone’s lead, or even accepting that another person is their own person and relenting control of a situation. All show respect.
I don’t know about you, but I really want to be known as a loving woman. I don’t want to be annoying like the drip.. drip.. drip.. drip.. drip.. (aaack! see how annoying that is?!) of a leaky faucet!! Who has that kind of personality as a life goal?! I want to point others to God in love. I want to reflect Jesus. So I’ll practice these habits of a loving woman.
Love (of course!) 😉